One of the biggest mistakes people make in their lives, is not asking for what they want. They think to themselves “I will probably get ‘no’ for an answer.” So, they do not even ask. What they have essentially done is…told themselves “No.” This is a tremendous mistake.
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Here is the transcript for my friends who do not understand spoken English, or those who simply prefer to read rather than listen:
Hello people.
I want to talk today about asking for what you want. I had planned to talk about street portraits, and how to ask people for permission to take their photo. But I then thought, the words are easy. You just walk up, smile, and say "Hi, you look great. Is it ok if I take your photo?" Or, you do not even need to speak, you can simply raise your camera, point to it, and then point at the person...the person will understand what you want, and will either nod "yes" or shake "no."
So, if the words are easy, and pointing is even easier, then why do people have such difficulty. And the reason is that...mentally, the photographer thinks that the person will probably say no. And, therefore, they actually never ask, because people are afraid to hear "no."
If you do not ask, then what you have actually done is said "no" to yourself.
What you are basically doing is denying yourself the opportunity for a "yes" answer.
This is a tremendous mistake.
And you are not alone. There are many photographers who stop themselves from asking for what they want, because they pre-judge and think that the person will say "no."
And people even do this in other areas of their life. It is such a mistake that, if you can stop yourself from committing that mistake, your life in general, not just taking street portraits, should improve tremendously.
© Ray Arias They had been riding around the Washington Square Park fountain. Not satisfied with the candid shots I had taken, I walked up to them as they came around again and asked them to pose.
© Ray Arias She was walking down the street holding her dog like that. I simply pointed at my camera, then at her, and she nodded “Yes.”
You should never tell yourself "no." If you see people that you want to photograph, simply ask them. Let THEM say "no," do not tell yourself "no." You have no idea what that person will actually say, unless you ask; but, if you tell yourself "no," then, of course, it is 100% that the answer is "no."
I can practically guarantee you that, of 20 people on the street that you ask for a portrait, at least two, four, six, maybe even 16 of them will say "yes."
And as I said, even in everyday life, people tell themselves "no" all the time. For example, someone wants to ask for a raise at work, but she thinks "Well, the answer will probably be "no." So, she does not ask. Do you see? She told HERSELF "no." Maybe, the answer from her boss would have been "yes." But, she never allowed for that possibility; instead, she gave herself a "no" answer.
Another example...a man finds someone attractive at a party or bar, and he wants to go up and speak to the person, meet the person, and maybe that will lead to the start of a relationship. But he thinks to himself "Well, that person probably will not like me, or maybe is already in a relationship," or whatever the case may be. So, he does not talk to the person. The person never said "no" to him...he said "no" to himself.
Again, this is a tremendous mistake that people make in life.
Let the other person answer you. Maybe it will be "no,"...but maybe it will be "yes."
Even if you are convinced that the person will say "no" to you, ask anyway. Get into the habit of asking for what you want.
I can practically guarantee that doing this will change your life.
© Ray Arias I spoke with them and asked them to pose.
© Ray Arias He was stopped at a traffic light as I was walking past. I stopped, pointed at my camera, then pointed at him. He nodded “Yes.”
If you go through life asking for what you want, you will receive "yes" answers many times. You will certainly receive more "yes" answers, than the 100% "no's" that you give yourself.
This is one of the secrets to success in any endeavor.
I heard a story about someone who is wealthy, and they say that the reason he became wealthy is that he always asked for whatever he wanted. That was his secret.
If he wanted something, he would ask for it. Always. That person obviously never told himself "no."
It does not mean he got everything he asked for...not at all. What it means is...he never denied himself the opportunity for receiving a "yes" answer. He would ask for what he wanted and see what the response was. Either "yes" or "no.
But if he had behaved like many of us do, and he told himself "no" and never asked...then, of course, there is no possibility for "yes." And his life would have been very different.
I will give you an example from my own life. My first job was in sales, and we would be given a stack of cards. Each card had a name and a number of a person to call, to try and sell the company's services to that person. Amazingly, many of the sales people would look at a card, and they would decide...based solely on the name or phone number on that card...that "This person will probably not buy." And they would not call that number. They would put that card at the bottom of the stack, and would look at another card to call. The best salespeople NEVER did this. They would pick up the first card, look at the number and the name, and simply call...always. They never tried to guess how that person might react. They would call and see what happened. These were the most successful sales people.
Think of little children. They ask for what they want, always. Even if they have been told "no" before. They always think, "Maybe this time I will get it." "Mommy, can I have a cookie?" "No, you had one earlier." Later, the child asks again, "Mommy, can I have a cookie?" "No, sweetie, you already had one." Later, the child asks again, "Mommy, can I have a cookie?" Mommy finally gives in, "Yes."
Even receiving only 10% "Yes" answers from people throughout your life, for the things you ask for, is infinitely better than 100% "no" answers that you give to yourself by not even asking.
Never tell yourself "no."
Wayne Gretzky, the greatest goal scorer in the history of the sport of hockey, would always take a shot at the slightest opportunity to try and score a goal, because, he said, "You miss 100% of the shots you do not take."
I hope this message helps some of you.
I am confident that, if you always ask for what you want, without pre-judging and assuming what the answer will be, that your life will improve tremendously.
I wish all of you great happiness, and all the best in the world.
© Ray Arias I spoke with him before taking his portrait.